She grew up with her 85 years old lola (grandma). At the age of 8, she was already with her. Not because her parents abandoned her, but because her lola live in the capital town where she took up grade school. For her, leaving her lola after being with her for 23 years is a big decision to make.
During her younger years, living with her lola is not easy. She is not allowed to play with the neighbors’ kids, she can only play at home, or better yet study her lessons. She is strict! She doesn’t allow her to attend parties, or school activities which are held at night. And the only party she had attended was her College Graduation Ball and she was 21 years old that time.
Guys also are not allowed at home, even her gay friends. I remember when she was in grade school; a guy wrote her a letter. Her lola found it and hide the letter from her. From that day, her lola stays with her while she was studying her lessons to make sure she was not writing a reply letter to that guy. It was funny, but now, she was thankful for her strict lola. If not because of her, she might not have graduated from her bachelor’s degree or she might have been married at early age.
When she was still young, she always pray that her first boyfriend will be her last. It’s what all the girls wanted. She dreamed of having a beach wedding. Live in their own home and have 2 kids; a girl and a boy. Her dream is a happy married life.
She had her fist relationship a year after she graduated her bachelor degree, She was 22 years old. It was a happy and sad relationship. Happy because she felt she found someone who will love and take care of her forever. And sad because she was afraid and she was not confident enough to tell it to her family. The relationship lasted for almost 5 years. There are lots of adjustments and struggles. He had his own dreams, she have her own. He lives in the metro, she live in the province. Their priorities didn’t meet.
The first 2 years of the relationship was happy despite of the distance. She got a permanent job, as he excels in his field. They never fail to commend each other in every achievement. Everything was good, until suddenly, things started to change. He started to get very busy, up to the extent that they didn’t communicate for a week or more. No Hi, no Hello or how are you. He started to party, drink, and go out with guys and girls. And they only see each other once a year. Yes, they lost time for each other.
Five months before their 5th anniversary, he told her that he is already abroad. I remember, he once told her his plans, but he didn’t confirm that he will pursue it. He just informed her a week after he arrived in that foreign land. He said sorry for not telling her that he is leaving, and that he’ll be staying there for years. He said sorry. But she felt his sorry is not enough to cure the pain that she felt that time. Her world crashed. She felt that her life stopped. She can’t think. She became silent, loner and sad. It was the most painful feeling she felt for the past 26 years of her life. Every time she was alone, she cries. Every night before she go to sleep, she cries. Everyday she asked God why it happened to her. She had no one to comfort her. She can’t tell her mama that she was in pain. She was broken. She was shuttered. She was alone.
The day he told her Sorry was the last time they talked. She grieved for more than 2 years. She never dated anyone. She hated when people celebrate valentines. She hates seeing couples in the park, restaurants or in the street. She hated relationships, and somehow she became bitter. Yes she is! She felt that she doesn’t like to fall inlove again. She felt that it is the worst feeling one could ever feel. She was not ready for another relationship. So, she kept herself focused on her job as she kept a big distance with guys.
One day, her good friend Mic visited her at home. They had an emotional talk. She was able to release all the pains that she was keeping for years. Her friend made her realized that yes, there are lots of good thing in this world that she was missing because of grieving and living with her pains. She needs to move forward and see the beautiful things in the world.
June 2015, she started meeting and talking to different people again. She opened herself to chances of meeting somebody special. But she doesn’t meet anyone worth knowing. She had been in a good friendship with a guy, but it never ended in a relationship. Maybe because part of her is still afraid, and maybe, she’s still not ready for a serious one.
After a year, she met a Muslim guy from Algeria. They talked almost everyday. They have shared interesting things about each other. They felt that they have a lot of similarities, as they both agree on same things. They are both raised in a conservative culture, don’t want wild parties, drinks and smokes. They both like being faithful in a relationship because both of them came from a painful relationship. They clicked. They learned new things about each other with their everyday conversation. They had an open communication. But the problem is, they are too far from each other. It’s a long distance relationship.
At first, they take things so easily. They were happy, things were fine. They dreamed and planned so many things. He had met her whole family and friends through Skype. Everything seems to be perfect. She felt thankful, contented, and happy. She was inlove! But being inlove also means experiencing some pains. When there is already true emotions involved, when there is already love, they felt that what they have is not easy. They have to face the fact that they are too far from each other. They wanted to be together, but the question is how?
Being too far from each other means they need to have lots of trust, patience, understanding, and love. She always tries to be very careful with everything that she does because she never wanted him to feel or even think that she was being unfaithful. Although she assured him that she can’t do anything that will break his trust, sometimes he still feels that she was doing something wrong. She repeatedly told him that she will never hurt him as she has experienced the feeling of hurting someone’s emotions. But sometimes, things go out of on their way. They had some fight because of jealousy. There are times she cries because she felt that he is giving up. Maybe their past relationships still haunt them. He doesn’t trust women, as she used not to trust men. She felt that he can’t give her his complete love because there is still hatred in his heart. She wanted to erase the pain that he feels, but sometimes, he is too distant. He loves her, she love him. But the reality is playing on their fate. It was hard… Eventually, he left.
One thing that she regrets in both relationships is that both guys didn’t fight for their love. They easily gave up. Yes, she got hurt twice but she continue to believe that God have someone who perfectly fits for her, the one who will not give up and will continue to fight for her.
Finding our true love is really a difficult task. This is not only about having a lot of similarities, or having a common belief on things. Instead, loving someone requires love for each other, acceptance, patience, and trust. When I truly love someone, I fight for it. I don’t give up. What I need to do is to be patient and trust Him, trust God. For one day, I know and I believe that I will be experiencing my own version of happily ever after.
Let’s continue to spread love and good vibes! NEVER GIVE UP! Love Love Love!